Do or Die...

We had already played these guys in a preseason tournament and we knew we had a tough game on our hands. Their team consisted of tall, big, athletes who had average ability on the ball. Their height and physicality made them a tough match up for us as we are a short team with high technical quality throughout. I still felt confident we could out play them to a victory though considering our ability to keep the ball.

Leading up to the game I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. The day before and the day of, it was all I could think of. I went through possible starting line ups, where our threat could come from, how we would cope without five of our starters, the huge responsibility placed on myself and the remaining five starters to get the job done despite the circumstances. It all weighed heavy on my mind. They say that you shouldn’t think too much about the game before it happens as it psyches you out if you do, but for me it’s the exact opposite. I like to feel that tension, the nerves, the anxiety, I like to think of the what will happen on the field, and who I am up against. It is one of the few moments in life where I don’t feel at ease and for some reason it helps me to focus and mentally prepare myself for the intensity of competitive soccer. Ive tried to be calm and not think of the game before and it doesn’t work for me, I know if I feel nervous I will play good.

Upon arriving at the dressing room, the team found out that another one of our starting players, a defender named Mustafa, had been suspended for today's game as a result of him abusing the ref after the Fanshawe game. The ref reported him to the Ontario Colleges Athletic Association and he was subsequently suspended. We were now left with 4 of our 10 starting players for this game, thing just went from bad to worse. On the bright side though, the atmosphere in the dressing room was really good and you could tell everyone was anxious to get the game started.

Coach Anthony, the assistant coach who was filling in for the head coach who had to attend to family issues in the Caribbean’s, gave an incredible pregame speech. Coach Anthony was a big factor in turning our season around. He just seemed to be able to connect with the players and was able to better understand how to get the best out of the talent the team had. As much as the players deserved credit for the game against Fanshawe, Coach Anthony and his ability to instill confidence in us after the mess of the season we had, was also a big factor. He had a way of transmitting his confidence into the squad through the team talks and what he says to you on a personal level. For both the Fanshawe and Redeemer games, the team went out onto the field willing to die to get the result. It was a big contrast to how the head coach would send us out. With the head coach we were like lambs to be slaughtered out there and the results and the performances show that. With Anthony though it was the opposite, we were the ones who would be doing the slaughtering.

The game started and right from the get go we were all over them. We were dominating possession of the ball, winning tackles, creating chances and were justly rewarded with an early goal. Our striker swung in an incredible shot from the edge of the box that curved nicely into the bottom corner of the net, sending the whole team crazy. We knew the goal was coming and when it did, it was a big relief. Redeemer had nothing, they couldn’t pass or create chances and their confidence was being drained out of them slowly. The half time whistle blew and we were up 1-0 feeling like we couldn’t be stopped. The back up players were doing their job and fighting for every ball and despite their short comings, you couldn’t ask for more from them. Coach Anthony reminded us that we are only up 1-0 and we needed to put this game to rest by scoring another or else…

The second half started and Redeemer were starting to get into the game more. You could see their fitness starting to play a big role now as they were able to keep up with the pace of the game whereas we were starting to drop off a bit. The back up players were tired, but they continued to hold their own, limiting Redeemer to a few chances. We also managed to create 3 clear cut, one vs. one chances with their goalie which our players failed to convert into a goal. After our last chance, I knew something wasn’t right. Fortune was favouring Redeemer. This proved to be case with 10 minutes left. They were rewarded a freekick outside our box. The ball was sent in, a pretty standard cross, not much power on it and it looked like the goalie would comfortably save it. He did manage to catch it, but for some reason I still cant understand to this day, he fumbled it. The ball slipped out of the goalies hands and fell to a Redeemer players feet. He shot but our defender made an incredible save to keep the ball out, only for the ball to fall to another Redeemer player who made no mistake about it and scored to tie the game.

It was such a surreal moment when they scored. One of those moments that felt like a dream, like that couldn’t have possibly just happened. There was no way. How could such a simple save turn into a goal? I found myself in a state of shock and disbelief. There was no time for that though as there was 10 minutes left to play and we had to make something happen. Unfortunately with 6 out of 10 players on our team not getting sufficient game time throughout the season, the fuel just wasn’t in the tank to push for those 10 minutes. Myself and the 3 other remaining starters did all we could to inspire the team but it was to no avail. The game ended in a tie and thus ended our season as Redeemer only needed a tie to progress into the playoffs at our expense.

When that final whistle blew, I collapsed on the field. Physically and mentally pushed to my limit, I had nothing left. Shocked at the outcome and heartbroken that this team wouldn’t be able to fulfill the potential we all knew we had together. Everything was coming together and all we needed was to get the win to progress and we failed to do so. It would be easy to blame the goalie for his mistake, but we had the chance to bury the game and we didn’t. It was our own undoing and not any single players fault. What makes it all the more worse is that it will be last year I will be playing varsity soccer at a university/college level and to leave with a feeling of “what if” is what makes it all the more worse. This was the best collection of players Ive played with and to not have to fulfill that potential, and at a time when it all started to come together is heart breaking.

It’s now been a couple of days since our final game of the season and I can’t stop thinking about the games on the weekend. It’s hard to sustain happiness as I keep going back to moments in both games, the moments of despair. It’s a feeling akin to being heartbroken and it’s hard to think about anything else. I’ve had moments like this before in my time playing soccer and it never gets easy. It’s the only thing that keeps running through my mind and it will continue to be for the next week or so. I ran into two players on the team since Monday’s game, two of the starters who had been suspended and they feel the exact same way.

Soccer has always had a strange way of effecting my emotions like that. Its one of the few things in life I have a strong, burning passion for. I never understood why it affected me so much either. We’re just kicking a leather ball between metal posts, who cares really? I try to tell myself that to feel better but it doesn’t work, because I care and I care a lot. I leave it at that for now as I feel like I could go on forever with this.

Thus Far...

We are nearing the end of our season with a game remaining, a game that decides whether our season is done or if we will continue on into the next round. For various reasons, the team finds itself in a predicament none of us would have expected at the beginning of the season with the amount of quality we have throughout the team. We knew nothing would come easy, but to be down the standings as low as we are is something none of us would have expected and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Having underperformed the entire season, we now have a big game tomorrow on our hands, without our key players and at a time when everything was starting to fall into place and we were really beginning to click into gear. So how did we get to this point?

With more than half of the team having never played with each other, team spirit and chemistry was near none at the beginning of the season. We had the players, but we weren't a team and with cliques having formed within the squad, I could already sense things weren't going to the way we had hoped. Seniors would yell at the rookies, rookies would scold the seniors, meanwhile the more older players such as myself and a few others were attempting to form this group of players into a team. This lack of team spirit would manifest itself on the field with the performances and the results we were getting.

Losses to Humber, Sheridan, Niagara, and St. Clair were all losses of our own doing. We had won 2 games in between those losses but they were against the lower end teams of the league. The losses though are what really stick out. The lack of camaraderie on the field was evident as everyone looked to blame someone else rather than rally together and salvage a result. The defense was in disarray, the midfield was lacking any fight, our forwards were clicking but to no avail with lack of cohesion behind them. Something needed to change and it needed to happen fast or our season was done.

Within the past week, something did change. The cliques within the team were starting to give way and we were starting to bond as a team. Practices became less tense and more fun, the team was training with intensity and purpose and the general morale of the team was sky high. I was starting to get the sense that we were starting to gel and it couldn't have come at a better time. Our next game was against the best team in the league, Fanshawe College. It was time to see if we really were underperforming or if we just weren't good enough.

Come game time, everything clicked and we were playing them off the park.To see the supposed best team in the league bickering and fighting as we were doing during our poor games was encouraging. As the game progressed you could see the belief and confidence throughout the team slowly rising to the point that we were dominating Fanshawe. We went into half time with a 2-0 lead and the feeling that we could score 10 more against these guys. We were going to bury this team and really make a statement to the league.

The second half couldnt have started any worse though. Within minutes of kick off, one of our best players received an undeserved red card after being brought down by the opposition and the referee thought he seen our player attempt to kick the opposition. An undeserved red card but we had to deal with it and see out the game. Our team lost its composure after the red card. We couldn't deal with the pressure of being a man down and getting bad calls against us by the referee and subsequently two more players lost their temper and lashed out at the ref. The ref proceeded to hand out 2 more red cards and then to make matter worse, our captain and our play maker both were forced out of the game due to injuries. We were now down to seven men against ten men with five of our starters and best players out of the game.

Fanshawe made their way back and scored two goals within 5 minutes after the three red cards. We managed to hold on until the last minute when the ref decided to give the opposition a penalty kick for a foul that occurred outside the box. The nail was in the coffin and they ended up winning 3-2. Such an incredible game turned on its head. All I heard in the dressing room afterwards was how we deserved this and we deserved that, but you dont always get what you deserve. Such is life and you have to deal with it. Our players lost their cool and it cost us the game, a game that we deserved to take more from.

Alot of our young players were so dejected after the game and I could understand as I had been in their shoes before. Losing is always tough to swallow, but you have to look forward. Playing well and not getting the result is something you have to deal with. Everything comes with a lesson and its something they will learn. Just as you dont always get what you deserve in life, you dont always get what you deserve on the field. That's just the way it is, and its your job to keep your head up and keep pushing on when things like that happen.

Now we have our last game tomorrow against Redeemer College and its up to us to get the result or our season is over. It would be terrible to see this team not move forward as I firmly believe we have the quality to dominate the best teams as the Fanshawe game proved. It will be hard though with 5 of our starting 10 players being injured or suspended due to red cards. Those are the circumstances and its up to us to overcome them.